just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
