I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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