Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize