Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
