HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
