he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My cat gives me a boner
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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