See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
