She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize