Define "chronic" masturbator.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
