so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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