So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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