apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize