It's like God shit irony all over that family
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
