did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
