he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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