Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
