my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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