dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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