remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
