Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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