i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize