totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
