I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
