Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
