It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
