I accidentally had phone sex last night
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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