good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
