It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We need a shit load of segways right now
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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