and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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