I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize