I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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