so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
