I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
