I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize