So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
