1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
