when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
