Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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