i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
