Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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