need another drink. this is the easiest way
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
