so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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