Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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