we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize