yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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