i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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