im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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