Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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