we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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