id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
