One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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