I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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