tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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