we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize