I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
