I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
