I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
