For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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