well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
