Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
