who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
