you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
