And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
