went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
