question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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