btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
