I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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