Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
