I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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