I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you traded sex for a burrito?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
