we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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